Negative Feedback Doesn’t Work - Try this Instead

When you give negative feedback, research shows that there are 3 likely reactions in the mind of the receiver:

“I was just a victim of circumstance. It was an unlucky situation.”

“(The provider) just doesn’t understand the situation, they’re not credible.”

“They said I did some things well, so that’s good.”

In other words, negative feedback is often dismissed as out of our control or spun to be more positive than it really is. 

Negative feedback is the most intuitive for us to give others (aside from no feedback of course). It’s where we gravitate first. But on the other side, when confronted with criticism, our intuition is to find a way out.

There’s an evolutionary mismatch in goals here. How might we dance with human behavior instead of just bash against it?

One approach is to reframe feedback as an exercise in exploring future possibilities of success, instead of a practice in diagnosing the unchangeable and imperfect past.

Enter Future-Oriented and Goal-Oriented, or FoGo, feedback.

Here’s an example…

I’m a manager on a sales team. My team member gave a client presentation and there are a few things I think he can do better. How should I approach the feedback?

An experienced leader might ask this question first: “How do you think that went?”

After starting the conversation…

Here are 7 phrases to help you share your future oriented/goal-oriented feedback:

“What would you do differently next time?”

“Have you considered trying ____…? I think it would help you accomplish ____”

“I know you’re working on ______, would you mind if I shared a few tips?”

“May I make a suggestion for next time?”

“I wonder what it would look like if you tried ______ instead of ______?”

“I’d love to see you try ______ in the future”

“My favorite part was ________. I think you could do more of that next time.”

All these phrases are focused on doing better next time. 

Adam Grant refers to this kind of feedback as an exercise in giving and seeking advice. When we’re giving advice, it’s because we know the person is trying to accomplish something, and we have a thought that might be helpful to that goal.

Not all feedback will fit this model, but most of the feedback you should be giving regularly, will. 

There will be times when you will feel the need to venture away from this approach, but it’s worth remembering that you’re always dancing with the fact that negative feedback produces negative reactions. Your goal shouldn’t be to give feedback, your goal should be to positively influence future performance in others. And if they don’t hear it, you never will.