The Most Important Skill New Managers Need to Develop
There are so many approaches to being a good leader, but when researchers look at the traits great leaders have in common, they find "sociability" to be at the top of the list.
Psychologists define sociability as…
“…tendency and accompanying skills to seek out companionship, engage in interpersonal relations, and participate in social activities.”
We know from our own experiences that we don’t necessarily need a boss to be our friend, but when we look at the best leaders, it turns out they have an element of likability, engagement, and social skill that sets them apart.
In team environments where true impact involves the collaboration, persuasion, and commitment of others, these skills are essential.
That means whether you consider yourself an introvert or extravert, your ability to connect with others and be visible are critical facets to your success as a leader. And yes, the science says it might feel a bit easier for those that identify as extroverts.
You can't lead without being seen. You can't coach without seeing others.
Sociability, perhaps more than any other leadership skill, is developed through interaction, observation, and imitation of others. You can’t hone your social skills alone.
Research from Albert Bandura and colleagues in the 1960s and 1970s highlighted the importance of behavioral observation in human learning and development. They learned that we pick up the majority of our skill and behavior through the imitation of others.
If you’ve ever changed the company you work for and had the feeling of culture shock, you’ve felt this reality first hand. In one organization, the behaviors for success get imitated and spread, while in another organization, a completely different set of behaviors get imitated and spread. This happens organically, and sometimes with unfortunate consequence.
The ability to observe real-life examples of effective social and leadership behavior from more experienced colleagues has almost completely vanished in the distributed, remote work world. Body language, proximity, volume, eye contact, and light physical contact, are all behaviors we use to build trust and social bonds. In an office, much of those moments happen in casual interactions outside of serious business discussion. For emerging leaders, these moments subconsciously teach them what a sociable leader looks like in the organization. The more experiences employees have to learn, the faster the growth. The two variables that matter most in learning are time and repetition.
New Managers are Struggling for Good Reason
For new managers working in a distributed, hybrid, or fully remote environment, this puts them at a significant disadvantage. There simply aren’t enough opportunities to observe good leadership sociability through Zoom. If a manager struggles to build relationships, the whole organization suffers in a cascading loss of collaboration.
Imagine you were in charge of a youth soccer team and responsible for building healthy team behaviors, sportsmanship, and a high-effort culture, but could only coach to what you witnessed in the minutes each individual was on the field during a game. Anyone who has coached a team knows that most of the development of skill and character happens in the moments outside of the game - on the bench, in the warmup, at the practice, and the team party.
It’s no wonder organizations and managers are frustrated with each other. Organizations want better managers, but the managers aren’t sure what they’re striving to be like, because they can’t physically see all the good examples. It helps if you have a great boss, but it’s going to take a lot of focused attention and time.
Managers are doing their best, but they’re getting less environmental development than ever.
Senior leaders are also struggling. They don’t have many examples to coach to because they can’t see team members while they’re working. The walls around Zoom meetings are more opaque than any office conference room or cubicle.
Adapting to the New Sociability Norms
Some remote-first organizations have started to realize this disconnect and are bringing people together more regularly. I’ve seen some startups requiring travel up to two weeks a month to gather. To maximize the benefit of intermittent gathering, there needs to be significant and meaningful social interaction crammed into these moments. Teams and leaders need to supercharge development and social interaction when they have bodies in an office.
It’s understandable for leaders to be concerned with productivity in these gatherings. Offsites, team travel, dinners, and training are expensive. While the OKRs and KPIs of happy hour are hard to see, they matter greatly in the long run.
Productivity shouldn’t be the primary goal when your team is gathering. Learning, ideation, and connection are more important.
There are so many benefits to our new ways of working, but if we’re not careful to design new social rituals, we may end up sacrificing growth and performance for a shorter commute.
Decades ago elementary schools began phasing out cursive writing. It’s slow and more difficult to read and write. Typing is a more productive skill.
But then scientists started comparing the cognitive development and fine motor skills in children who learned cursive compared to those who didn’t. Cursive, they found, made kids better problem solvers and more quickly developed cognitive function. Cursive writers had better overall cognitive performance. Cursive has since found it’s way back into many classes.
The more we prioritize individual time to get more done, the more we leave development and sociability behind.
From what I’ve heard from leaders, there may already be concern about a slow in professional growth. And it will likely be awhile before we notice the worst consequences from a deceleration in our development.